July 13

It has been 3 years since I lost Sylus. I think of him daily. When I look at my kids, I think about how he would fit in. I wonder what he might be like. I think of him being a guardian angel over his brothers and sister. Heaven knows I need all the help I can get. I like to think although he's not physically here, that I have a relationship with him. I think of him with family and friends babies that have past too. Interesting enough, they have all been boys. I can't believe that I've been blessed with 2 kids since then. They are the last ones to be with him. When Grace was born and they put her on my chest, she looked like Sylus. When ever my little family is together, I can feel Sylus is around and I know my family is complete.

Me

I am a mother. I smell of my choice of perfume and baby spit up. My hands are softened by Dawn dish detergent. The bags under my eyes are slathered with Preparation H. I exfoliate with sugar and a honey mix. I am late to church with my kids in toe... and I forgot to put on my slip and a bag of distractions for my 2 year old. My toe polish is half worn. Nails are uneven. Two of them are broken. I pretend to be glamorous by walking in high heels although they kill my feet. My hair is several months behind on seeing a salon. My diet (if you want to call it that) consists of Pepsi, daily medication and eating from the kids' plates as I clean up after each meal. I do laundry, 2 loads. I lose a sock to a pair. The dishes are clean but still in the dishwasher. My clothes are built for scrubbing floors on my knees, kids to wipe their noses on, stained from last weeks spaghetti dinner, and a bleach spot or two from using Comet on the kitchen sink. My exercise routine is hauling laundry up and down the stairs, jumping on the trampoline with the kids, bending over as I pick up the house. I'm skilled at Lego creations. I know how to work the sprinkler system. I've put in a garbage disposal. I pull weeds and mow the lawn. The big dresser in the room downstairs? Put their by me. Don't mess with this girl when she knows what she wants. Many great memories of the kids but forgotten because I haven't written them down. I can change a tire on a bike AND car. I check all the fluids in the car and fill them up as needed. I put air in the car tires. I don't sew. I can cook, but don't ask me to bake cookies... unless you're fine with Nestle Tollhouse break'n'bake pre-made dough. Each of my kids has a bedtime routine that I made just for them. I pray for my kids daily. I get choked up as I drop them off on their first day of school... even though one is in 4th grade. My kids are not dressed to perfection. They wear their daddy's socks to church because they can't find their own. One of them thinks it's great to drink out of the dog's dish and I don't say a thing - I actually find it amusing. They've gone to bed dirty from playing in the ditch and sweating from riding bikes. I know all of the Sesame Street characters. I can speak a foreign language... taught by Dora. I get nightmares from reading Goosebumps to the boys.

I love being a mom. Wouldn't it trade it for anything in the world.

the best night

I had the best night tonight. We had just put the boys to bed. I looked around the house noticing the dishes that needed to be done and the family room needed to be picked up from our family home evening and reading the scriptures. Nathaniel helped me to get things in order without me asking. As I was about to load up the dishwasher, Nathaniel started to play the piano. Most of the lights were already turned off except for the lamp in the front room. I left the dishes behind and sat in the rocking chair next to the piano, trying to comfort Grace. Nathaniel sang and played a few songs. I relished the moment. Quiet... well, every so often Ethan or Isaac would want something. For the most part, it was just the piano and my husband singing. I was content. Never mind the spit up on my shoulder, Grace upset or the dishes I left in the sink. It was amazing!

Leo's 2nd birthday

Birthday gift from Mema & Papa

Decorated for Leo's birthday

Leo's Monkey Face Cake

Blow out the candles!

At the hospital

Dirty socks and grass stains

I've decided that boys come with dirty socks and grass stains. I just bought Ethan and Isaac new socks a couple weeks ago. Guess what they did with them? Ethan was riding his Razor Harley in socks (no shoes!!). To stop the bike, he would drag his feet on the ground. Needless to say, holes in the heels. Isaac was also wearing just socks and playing in the mud. I finally told both of them that they are buying their own socks.

I've talked to several mom's that have younger kids about stains. They tell me their favorite stain remover and I will ask if it gets out grass stains. I've tried everything!! I've found the only thing that works... straight detergent rubbed into the grass stain.

Dancing boys

Country life

The mama bird.

Her nest. The tree is outside the boys room.

This bird is protective over her eggs. If you come near, she squawks.
She laid her eggs near the bus stop.

She knew I wanted pictures of her eggs.

Isaac's Soccer Game

life goes on... and on... and on!

Life has been crazy, irritating, frustrating… making one want to cuss, throw oneself on the floor and throw the biggest fit. Funny thing is that I know all the trials are blessings. Even right after the crap (aka blessing) happens, I still know it's a blessing. I know that many things happen in an order so that my family is taken care of. Heavenly Father does a great job preparing us for the future. However, I wish to know before hand all that is going to happen and when. Oh and how problems will be solved. I'd love to get into Heavenly Father's head so bad and just know what he is thinking.

I swear that I think... okay I KNOW, these past 3 years have been a trial. And he still continues to try me. I'm still standing! I almost wonder if it's like a spanking with a child.... child gets in trouble, parent spanks child, child says that didn't hurt and parent does or wants to hit child again until it hurts.

My home teacher knows our entire situation (which makes it better that he has also become a good friend) and had said that he admires me for how I deal with what has come our way. I laughed and told him that I'm done with being tried. He asked if I told that to Heavenly Father. I thought that was clever… tell Heavenly Father that I've taken all that I can handle. I prayed. I said. And he gave me more to be tried with. Nothing comes easy with Heavenly Father. I can say I'm doing great throughout the trial. I can put it all in Heavenly Fathers hands. BUT it's VERY hard not to want to just sit down, cry, be p.o'ed, want to give up and have a major melt down while I'm going through the trials and at the same time be a strength to my family and continue being a mother and care for the house.

Can you imagine what this entry would sound like if I wasn't taking my medication?

soccer

New ride

Ethan bought this razor Harley from a friend. It's cute because Ethan is learning to use his hands. He will take off the covering to fix the chain. Nathaniel and Ethan spent 3 hours together on Saturday going over the bike.

Kids table project

I found this cute table and chairs at the thrift store. Bought some fabric and plastic covering.

Mr. Fix-It

Reading

(you can see Leo's little foot and Isaac is reading the Dora book)

Last night Ethan before bed. I let the other boys have some time to read as well. They've done this before and I had to take the chance of the photo-op. Leo knew exactly what to do. He grabbed his Sesame Street book and laid in bed with the other two.

teaching the boys to clean

I'm a huge believer that my boys are to learn the correct way of my cleaning. They have been cleaning bathrooms on their own for over a year. Here's how I plan it...

1. I have them clean before bath time. (this way, they can get wet and it doesn't matter)
2. With cleaner, I spray and squirt down bathroom.
3. They have a sponge (with scrubby side) and a big plastic cup from gas station.
4. They clean sink, toilet (brush and Clorox wipe around porcelain) and shower/tub.
5. I wipe mirror, counter top, toilet and bath sides with windex on a rag.

On Saturday, I thought it would be a good idea to watch as they clean to add my 'help' (comments). I really did it to see how thorough they are (their wives will appreciate it later) and maybe even missionary companions will be glad to sit on a clean toilet.

They don't complain about cleaning and they take turns cleaning theirs and the master bathroom.

Once I was teaching Ethan how to do something (can't remember what) but he questioned as to why we have to do it "that(my)" way. I just explain that it's the correct way and he shouldn't be in the habit of doing it any other way.

I'm teaching them how to clean the tile floors (vacuum & mop), laundry (start to finish (includes sorting and starting the washer, taking clothes from washer to dryer and folding to putting away)), loading & unloading dishwasher, and taking out all the trashes, vacuuming house. I'm trying to get into the mode of teaching them to prepare and cook. I've had Ethan learning to make Lumpia (Phillipino egg roll). He's learned to wrap them and fry them.

To do list: Item #1

This is also another project. I found this dresser at the thrift store for $20.

Projects

It all started about 5 months ago. I took down everything off my walls. I patched every hole and then I did nothing for several months. I had been wanting a different style in my home. So with the help of other blogspots and their creativity... I've tried doing things with what I had and could get my hands on. Here are just a few things. Nothing is final yet. I may still change things around. I'm starting somewhere.

Before:

After: I did print a picture for the frame, but it was too small. I also plan on making my own throw pillows.

Before: I forgot to take a picture of the before, but under the table you can see the color it was.

After:

Before/After: I wrapped jute around the letter. I forgot to take a before... the letter is finished in jute.

Before:

After: The shelf was turned upside down, spray paint and I attached a handle to it. It's a stand for the cable box.

Here's my living room. It's coming together slowly, but here's what I've got...

I went shopping today with all intentions of buying something cute, frilly... necessary for my little girl. Instead, this is all I bought. It has an elastic in the back... which should work perfectly for her first pictures!

friend birthday party

The boys had a couple friends over for a late night to celebrate their birthday's. Because my boys' birthday's are a day apart, a put up streamers for Ethan in his choice of color. Later that night, I take Ethan's down and put up new streamers for Isaac. They do much of the celebrating together, but I want to make sure that each boy feels he is an individual and each has his special day. Hence, Ethan and Isaac have their own cake in two different flavors/colors.

writing on the wall

I never had a kid of mine write on my walls... until I had Leo. I did have to take a picture of his art work. He was happy to stand next to his mess. This kid keeps me going and I love him to pieces!!

PINKKK!!

I had an ultrasound today and found out that we will be having a girl. I'm really excited, but then after a couple minutes I felt confused. I'm so use to the doctor saying that I'm having a boy. What am I going to do with a girl? Polish her toes and fingers, pour her in PINK, and bows everywhere. Ethan said he wanted another brother to wrestle with. Isaac asked "when do we get her?" I'm pretty sure Leo knows because he's been nothing but a brat.

We aren't sure on names. Nathaniel is considering my input, however he gets to make the final decision.

I told Nathaniel that we needed to save up for her blessing dress. Nathaniel said that we'll just find a silky pillow case. I can tell I'm going to have a hard time with him. Come September, my little girl will have her ears pierced. Honestly, if you know me, you know I've been waiting for this.

Resolutions

For the past 10 years I have hated the whole New Year's Resolutions. Aren't they usually the same for everyone from the past many years? It's such a cliche and I would jokingly say that I'm perfect with nothing to fix... I know I'm not perfect. But why do I need to do it at the beginning of the year? I find that I repair myself throughout the year.

However, this year it really hit me that I need to teach my kids about doing better, striving for more. Maybe just to be goal-oriented. For Family Home Evening I gave them my little shpill about finding the things that we could work on. I told the boys my goals and then asked them to each think of 2 things they could work on. So far, I'm doing well on one of my goals. But then, we are only 2 weeks into the year. 50 more weeks to go.

Boy's birthday's

Ethan and Isaac both celebrated their birthday's the beginning of January. I think they get to carry out their birthday's a little longer because the other brother is the day after or before. I started making a treasure hunt for each boy to find their presents. I make about 4-5 clues for them to run around the house. This is the highlight of their day. I didn't make them a cake when we celebrated with Nathaniel's family. The kids made ice cream sundaes. So, the boys blew out candles in a scoop of ice cream.

Ethan
Isaac

Christmas

I'm really bad and REALLY behind. We had an amazing Christmas in Layton at my sisters home. My parents, siblings and their families came up for a week. My parents stayed for 2. We had a lot of fun of shopping, going to Cafe Rio and staying up late talking. The things you learn about people 11 o'clock at night. Let's not forget about rearranging Mary's home (my mom's idea).

Merry Christmas 2009!

Nathaniel.... taking boys fishing with Grandpa Cox, rollerblading with Samuel, took our family to visit family and friends in Colorado, camping at Bear Lake with family

Sarah.... coached Ethan's soccer team, ran 5K, PREGNANT - due June 6, 2010, visited parents in Virginia, Palmyra, New York Temple

Ethan.... Bear Scout, played soccer, catching snakes, X-box360, fishing with daddy

Isaac.... reading, riding bikes with friends, sleepovers, PLAYING IN THE DIRT, fishing with daddy

Leo.... walking, playing with his brothers, loves Sesame Street

Ethan got lucky this time...

Last week we were reading scriptures. Each boy has his own set so that he can follow along. I've also asked the boys to start reading a verse or two. Isaac had just finished reading. The last word was seed. Ethan wasn't paying attention, so being the mean mom that I am, I asked him to read. He asked where we were. I told him that he wasn't paying attention and that he needs to figure that out. And if he got it wrong, he would be grounded. His first instinct was to go with the last word he remembered hearing... seed. I gave him a clue and told him that 3 of the verses end in 'seed'. I reminded him again that if he's wrong, he's grounded. He asked if it was verse 18. I told him I wasn't going to tell him and that he was to just start reading. He took a couple seconds and started reading verse 20... the right verse!

I ♥ FALL

Fall is absolutely gorgeous here. It's especially nice to feel and see the changing of seasons. The cooler weather has brought a little snow to the mountain tops.


A while back we were mowing down our garden that was deeply deprived. The only thing we did was allow the sprinklers to water it. Taking care of a garden is work and it's not easier to do with a kid that you have to keep an eye on. Much to Isaac's surprise, a pumpkin seed that he put together at school and planted in the garden grew. We found tomatoes, carrots and green onion... and I didn't do a darn thing!

my boys...

My boys are getting bigger. It makes me so sad. I look at Ethan and think it was barely yesterday that he was Leo's age. Now he's a boy. An individual who has his own thoughts and opinions. Yesterday in church I motioned him to sit closer to me and he didn't want to. He didn't have an attitude about it, but I thought 'Is this it? He's not a mama's boy?'. I felt like he had suddenly grew up. He does give me kisses and hugs. He's very patient with me... well, sometimes he is. I was cutting his hair and it turned out that what I did looked really bad. I ended up shaving it without a guard. Ethan was really good about it. It didn't bother him. One less thing to do in the morning.

Isaac is still my wild child. He lost his first tooth yesterday. I had to bribe him with a can of Pepsi to let me pull it. I finally used floss to get under the already really loose tooth and BAM! out it came. It surprised Isaac. He said "Ethan's right. It doesn't hurt". I also gave him a Mohawk last night. It fits his personality and looks great with his crazy cowlick. This is why I can grow my hair out. I can take my emotions out on my kids hair. If I feel like doing something crazy, I ask my boys if they want a haircut.





Leo said his first word September 17. He said 'cheese'. My idea of a first word is when the child understands and knows what he is saying. He will also say 'up' and 'pop'. For pop he will also smack his lips. If I have a Pepsi close by, he knows what it is and wants it NOW. I keep dum-dums in his diaper bag when I'm running errands to keep him happy. He knows where they are. He will bring me his bag mumbling something to the extent of wanting a sucker. Leo also fell off the dresser (the same one he was standing on in the last post). He's a boy. He didn't pass out either.

I'm not doing anything new. I'm trying to stay focused as the primary chorister and the assistant to the Cub Scout Master who happens to be Nathaniel. We have the primary program in November. I'm freaking out a little.

Our garden ended up being more of a success than Nathaniel and I thought. I was good for about the first month of staying on top of it and trying to weed it. But then it got to be too much. The freaking weeds took over and I let them. I was sad that I can't grow anything because I'm lazy and figured that I would have died in the 1800's. BUT on Saturday Nathaniel thought he would just mow it. Much to our surprise carrots, green onions and a couple of tomatoes grew. We were late getting to the corn. Next year, I'm using 1/4 of my garden. It gets to be overwhelming.

Oh, I have to add that you don't use WD-40 on the metal part the wheels use to go up and down of a garage door. I did this in my last house. The wheels slid. I'm thinking noise is good.

Leo